“I don’t know the meaning of life. I don’t know why we are here. I think life is full of anxieties and fears and tears. It has a lot of grief in it, and it can be very grim. And I do not want to be the one who tries to tell somebody else what life is all about. To me it’s a complete mystery.”
-Charles M. Schulz, Charles M. Schulz: Conversations
Pretty dark thoughts for a beloved cartoonist, isn’t it? Perhaps Schulz’s ability to acknowledge the grimness of grief while maintaining a sense of humor is one of the reasons he has remained relevant and inspirational for nearly seventy years.
Yesterday, I struggled amid minor setbacks. Abraham’s legs were giving him trouble, so we needed the wheelchair to get him around the hospital. It had been months since he had needed the chair. Next week, we are hoping he will return to school full time. I started to panic that he wouldn’t be ready. I worried that all the therapy and hard work still wouldn’t be enough to get him back with his friends on a regular basis. Then I took a deep breath, and replayed the positives in my head.
First and foremost, Abraham is happy. Second, labs yesterday were all heading in the right direction, and the thyroid panel was entirely within the normal range. Third, although the nausea did get the better of him before the visit was through, we made it home safely, and everyone slept through the night.
Once yesterday’s anxieties were back in check after counting a few blessings and getting a good night’s sleep, today blossomed. Abraham is a happy old soul who loves all things Peanuts. He and Grandma Annette have been planning a chemotherapy is over/end of summer shindig, but none of the days seemed quite right.
Yesterday was the last of his summertime hospital appointments, plus this week is Snoopy’s birthday, hence, Snoopy Day! Before we even entered Grandma’s house, Snoopy was there to greet us at the front door:
I’m not sure if daily fears and occasional tears make me weak or make me human. On the one hand, I pride myself on keeping the faith, but on the other, I know the universe will do what it must. The balance between thinking positive thoughts while remaining ready to handle negatives that inevitably pop up is perhaps my chief personal dilemma. As I supplement my soul-search through blogging, I, too, don’t want to be one who tries to tell others what life is all about. My intention is to share our version of life’s mysteries with honesty and humor in hopes that readers might occasionally smile along 🙂